Stop adding me to Facebook groups without my permission. I hear this complaint all the time from clients as well as friends. Consequently, I regularly see memes and complaints about this practice posted on Facebook. Some people are so frustrated with the adds that they have begun to publicly name or unfriend the people who are adding them because it’s such a common problem.
I know, I know. You’re in business, and holding your friends hostage in a Facebook group is great for business. Oh wait, did I say that out loud? In all seriousness, using a Facebook group CAN be great for business, but only if you practice social media etiquette from the beginning. If that’s too late, start following the proper etiquette on a go-forward basis. Here’s your mantra: stop adding me to Facebook groups without my permission.
What to Do
Adding someone to a Facebook group can be great for business if you ask their permission to add them. Alternatively, you may post a link to the group so that person can opt-in to group membership herself. All you need to do is simply ask (when it makes sense) if you can add someone to your group. If she says yes, go for it. However, if she says no, do not add her to your group.
I often see requests for people to stop adding me to Facebook groups in regards to those with home-based, direct sales, or network marketing businesses, although it’s certainly not limited to those. I’ve seen outright flame wars between the “I want my friends to be there because they want to be there” side and the “I’ll add them if I want to and they can leave if they don’t like it” side. It’s ugly. Why? Failure to ask demonstrates a lack of respect. So they get angry due to feeling used.
I’m here to tell you that you will catch more flies with honey. Asking is polite. It is considerate, responsible and fosters a sense of community. When someone wants to support you in another way, respect that. It’s not worth it to lose a friend because you want to drive up your numbers and try to sell her something.
People Don’t Want to be Added to Facebook Groups Without Asking Their Permission
For those of you who fall into the “I’ll add you if I want to add you” camp. Please hear this: many people think of being added to Facebook groups without their permission as harassment. It’s happened to them often enough that they are tired of it, and this can come back to bite you. The last thing you want is to be reported and end up in Facebook jail. And yes, some people will report you for harassment for this. And guess what? Harassment is against Facebook’s terms of service, see section 3, item 6. It’s a bit extreme, but it’s happened before, and you do not want that to happen to you.
In fact, when someone adds you to a Facebook group now, Facebook will prompt you to answer if you wish to be part of the group. I’m glad that Facebook has been listening to people. Answering honestly provides Facebook with important feedback about how you were invited to the group.
4 Things Not to Do in Facebook Groups
1. Don’t Expect Your Friends to Remove Themselves
It is unreasonable to expect someone to remove herself from your group if she isn’t interested. It may seem like she’s been added to ten groups that day. Maybe she had a bad day, and having to remove herself from your group could be the last straw for her that day. Do you really want to take a chance on losing either the respect, or even friendship, of someone over something like this? It’s not worth it. We have so many options for purchasing goods. Moreover, most people will shop where they feel good about shopping.
2. Avoid Offering Incentives to Add Others
Furthermore, you will want to avoid offering an incentive for people to add other people to your group. They most likely aren’t asking their permission.
3. Don’t Re-Add Your Friends After They Leave Your Group
You want to know what really ticks people off on Facebook? Re-adding them to the group after they have left the group.
One day, I was added to over 27 Facebook groups by an acquaintance. She did this in less than an hour. All of these groups were for the same company, a popular direct sales company that makes leggings with consultants who often encourage people to add people to groups in order to win free leggings. I left the groups immediately.
Why did I leave? I don’t know these people, so I have nothing invested in their success. I have friends who sell the product who don’t harass me. And I barely know the person who added me. Why would I stay?
Before I even had a chance to write her to ask not to do that again, she added me back to all 27 groups again! What do you think happened next? UNFRIEND.
4. Avoid Mining Your Friends Contacts to Add to your Group
Moreover, another practice to avoid is mining your friends contact lists for people to add to your group too. You may think that your friend won’t find out, but she will. Consequently, you get to deal with someone else being upset with you.
I hope you’ll think about how you interact with your friends and acquaintances on your Facebook group. Treat your members with respect,and entice them with an invitation and a warm welcome. That’s always a winner. And if you’re thinking about adding me to a group, please remember to ask first. If you don’t, I’ll swiftly remind you to stop adding me to Facebook groups.
This article was originally published on Social Biz Babes. Used with Permission. Social Biz Babes has merged with The Awesome Muse.
A quick note on how to keep people from adding you back to Facebook groups:
When someone add you to a group and you don’t want to be part of it, there’s a way to make sure you aren’t added again. From a desktop or laptop computer, select the option to prevent anyone from adding you back to the group again. When you leave the group, you should be asked if you would like to prevent other members from adding you again. Be sure to select this option if you are certain you do not want to participate in the group.
If you found this article helpful, please be sure to share it, especially on Facebook.
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Becky Fisher says
YES. YES. A million times YES!!!! Major pet peeve of mine!
I wrote a post about this very thing a few months ago after of slew of being added to some groups. It’s just so RUDE. It never occurred to me that people are offering incentives to members to just add their friends. That takes it to another whole level of inappropriate. I fooled those leggings people, though – I started making my own and keeping my $$ 🙂
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks for writing about it too, Becky. I feel like most people either do it because they don’t know any better or because they got some bad information from others. And that’s really cool that you make your own leggings!
Tandy Elisala says
Oh my goodness – I love love love this post. I have experienced the same thing with people adding me to groups and hate it! I won’t do business to with someone who adds me arbitrarily to their group. I wish everyone who creates fb groups would read this article before they could create groups!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks Tandy! Wishful thinking, but I kind of wish Facebook would include a reminder about “have you asked this person for permission to add them to the group” before it confirms the add.
Celea Star says
I felt honored to be in the few groups I have been added to. However, for the most part, I have met just about all of the lists in person. We are like minded, and focus on the highest and best for all concerned. I am sorry that this is something that occurs for others.
Good info for those that are not pleased with how things happen. Taking control of life is mandatory. Being in control, not letting others control you.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
You’re really fortunate if you haven’t experienced the downside of this. Let’s hope you can avoid it.
Alene A Geed says
Wow. I did not even know that someone COULD add another person without their permission! At any rate it is NOT a good business practice. You are right about catching more flies with honey.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Yes. You don’t even have to ask to do it. If you’re connected as friends on Facebook, anyone can add you to any group. It’s handy if you’ve got a list of people who have verbally opted in because then it’s easy to do on their behalf, but it’s misused more often than it’s used properly.
Apolline Adiju says
Hahahahaahaha you made my day with this article. The better truth and we see it every day. I was checking my Facebook profile the other day and was shocked at the number of groups I am in. It’s alarming and 90% of the time, they add you without your consent. This is an awesome article and thanks for bringing this out.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks Apolline! It is shocking how many groups I am in too. I try to do a clean up every couple of months, but apparently I need to do it more often as some of them add me and I forget to remove myself at the time.
Robin says
Yes, Yes, Yes. I too have had this problem, and apparently has not made the top 10 list of facebook etiquette rules. Glad you wrote about this, and know this will help to get the word out. So important!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
I think it should be in the top 5 of Facebook etiquette rules for sure!
Jill Musser says
People need to know this. I think some just don’t think about how irritating it can be. Thanks for trying to educate!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
I think a lot of people fail to put themselves in the shoes of those they add.
Carol Rundle says
This seems so basic and just common sense and courtesy, but for some reason many people forget that names on Facebook represent real people. Just ask yourself, would you like someone to do this to you? If no, then don’t do it to someone else.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Exactly!
Lorii Abela says
I am in too many groups. People kept on adding me; I lost track of them all. Some of them are not even active anymore. It takes a lot of time to be looking at them one by one so I only remove myself from those which are not interesting once in a blue moon. Not everyone will have the courtesy to ask to be added in their group as that is also time consuming. Oh well….these are the times.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
We live in a disposable society. Everyone wants instant gratification right away. A lot of people throw manners out the window, sadly.
Stacey Myers says
This definitely drives me nuts!! I love the bit where you write about not adding people back after they have left – it is bad enough they add you the first time but to add you again after you leave is ridiculous. I always click on the – can’t add me back – box when I leave a great. I don’t know in what world it is a good idea to add people to groups they have no interest in.
It also looks bad on the group owner as they have thousands of people in there and no-one engaging or interacting.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Exactly. Quality over quantity wins, hands down.
Sonya says
ARGH isn’t it the most annoying thing ever! I get added to so many and it drives me insane.
I tweeted this in the hope that other businesses stop doing this.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thank you for sharing. I hope the people who need it see it and take it to heart.
Kristen Wilson says
OMG.. yes.. I HATE that… as we have discussed… people suck and think… everyone wants to know or do what they do… how about post the group and share it to your personal/business pages and see if folks WANT to join in.. really?!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
No kidding. I hope people can learn from it and stop doing it.
Vickie Maris says
I just need to add an “Amen” to your post. Thanks for sharing. Facebook should feature your article so more folks could see it and learn from it. V.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks Vickie! I wish Facebook would share it too! 🙂