As an avid gun-toting woman and mom, gun safety has always been one of my top concerns. As it should be. It started when my kids were born and we just had guns in the house. At first, they were so little, I could keep my guns on the top shelf in my bedroom because they couldn’t crawl, let alone climb. Then, they had to be locked because they were curious and wanderers. Luckily, at this time, I wasn’t as active so they were always locked, safe and out of sight for us all.
Perspective changes as situations change
Then, I got divorced and I became the protector. So the guns came down and I put locks on the bedroom door. As a mom who wanted to keep my girls aware, we talked about guns. I let them look and touch and hold, safely of course, as we discussed how it worked. We talked about the basic safety rules including that they were never to touch them without me.
Years later, I moved to Texas from Virginia with my current boyfriend and became heavily involved in a shooting community; shooting regularly and competitively and a good part of my female friends are shooters as well. I post about shooting safety. I regularly advocate that if women are around guns, they need to shoot regularly to keep up their skills as it IS a perishable skill. We should constantly make sure our skills are up to par in that chance that we have to protect ourselves and our family. Hopefully, this won’t happen, but if it does… I WILL be prepared.
As your child ages, their awareness about guns should evolve, whether you carry or not, because others do!
In walks Jennifer – education about guns in the homes of playdates
So, getting to know Jennifer, the editor here at The Awesome Muse, and learning of her lifestyle blogging community, she asked me to write about gun safety and how to approach the topic of guns in other people’s homes when considering playdates with our children.
Consider sending your child to someone else’s home for a birthday party or playdate. You may stay there with them or it might be one where you leave them. Now what do you do with respect to guns?
- Do you hope they don’t have guns?
- Do you hope that if they do that they have them put away so your child doesn’t get them?
- Has your child been adequately educated (age appropriate) with the safety of guns? Now, we know this doesn’t prohibit their curiosity, but better than not informing and educating them.
- Do you have a conversation with the host?
Do you have a conversation about gun safety with the playdate host?
So many people are either unaware of what others have and do in their homes, which is understandable, of course. However, when it comes to you and your children, you want to be sure your family is safe. Fear or being afraid of asking about guns seems to be more of the issue. So many parents don’t ask because they are afraid of what their friend will think if they ask. What if they do have guns and you feel the need to ask further?
Sidebar – Teens and parties
Not to gravitate off the topic, but this reminded me of when my teenagers would go to parties. My rule: the parents had to be home, all the time, every time. I would ask my daughter and then go to the house to meet the parent. I think I was one of the few parents who have done this. But I don’t care. I am concerned with the safety of MY daughters!
So my point in bringing this up is a comparison and my point..… regardless of how you approach the conversation, the conversation should happen, especially if you know this person to be one who has guns in the home. Now, the age of your child may change the way the gun safety conversation is brought up or the types of questions you ask, but you should ask.
Why should you ask?
You don’t know if someone takes gun safety the same way as you do. You don’t know if they lock and store them, sit them on a top shelf, have them stuffed under the mattress or on the bedside table and how it is locked, if at all. It really can’t hurt to ask. Plus, you know your child better than anyone else. Even with knowing that, you don’t know what they will do if they come upon a gun. But, what you DO know is that you could not live with yourself if something happened to your child and you might have been able to prevent it.
You may hurt the other person’s feelings by asking or slightly offend them but this is the safety of your own child we are talking about here… what is more important?
Asking about your child’s safety should be the most important factor – don’t let fear hold you back!
I hope that I have given you the ‘permission’ that you may have needed to ask about other’s guns in the home. Wanting your child to be safe is more important than hurting someone’s feelings about whether they have guns in their home and how they store them. You may want to consider how you will answer if you are asked… or maybe when having play-dates at your home, advising the parent what precautions you have taken, beforehand?
Keep in mind that this is coming from a mom who does carry, who does have guns in her home and who wouldn’t be offended if you asked about their gun safety practices or if you chose not to allow your kids to play at my home. There is always that as well, from those who don’t carry and don’t want their children around guns and I place no judgment on others, to each’s own. The point, be aware!
Celea Star says
I am so on this page. Excellent information. People need not be bashful. It is a matter of life. It is a matter of safety. It is a matter of getting out the information now as awareness works.
We had conversations about guns with our children when they were very small, probably even before we spoke of sex. We are the caretakers of the beautiful souls in our life. It is responsible to give them the information of what safety is and that life is not a video game. Guns are real. Need respect as not a toy.
We would not allow toy guns in our home. We felt it creates a false impression. Real life is not the movies.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Indeed. Regardless of how one feels about guns, they are out there and may be in the homes of your child’s friends. It’s important to know how they are stored and what safety precautions have been taken. Some people love guns. Some people hate them. But it’s important to talk about them.
Kristen Wilson says
So many valuable statements in this Celea and thank you for sharing your thoughts on it as well.
Sonya says
What a brilliant blog post, something very different and a much needed post in this day and age.
Thanks for a great piece Kristen.
Kristen Wilson says
Thank you Sonya.. I just thought… I am sure it is very different there, no?
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks for stopping by Sonya. We felt it was important to discuss it as well.
Carol Rundle says
This is an important topic that parents need to be aware of. Thanks for sharing.
Kristen Wilson says
It is Carol and thank you.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Couldn’t agree more, Carol. Thank you for reading.
Tandy Elisala says
This is a much needed article. Thanks for highlighting this important topic. When my kids were growing up, I asked them if they knew whether their friends’ parents had guns in the home. I always thought it was off limits to ask other parents. However, I consistently taught my kids about guns…all aspects of guns and the rules of engagement for handling them. I figured that by my educating my kids about guns and teaching them gun safety, they would be safe. However, we don’t always know what happens in other homes. Terrific article and something all parents should be assertive about.
Kristen Wilson says
That is EXACTLY it Tandy.. first.. glad that you did YOUR part and educating your children.. and it is like a thing of taboo.. asking others is off limits… and when and why did this occur, ya know? I get it but I also wonder why this happened.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
The taboo of talking about it is what inspired me to ask Kristen to write about it. I saw friends saying things like “What if I ask about guns and they get mad?” It’s more important for the children to be safe than for someone’s feelings to be hurt. Thanks for reading, Tandy.
Candess M. Campbell says
What a great contribution for parents. I had never even thought of guns as an issue where children visiting other children were involved. I’m always for consciousness raising and you have excelled!
Kristen Wilson says
I have raised my girls around guns.. and for example, my girls use to hand me my purse and etc.. but now that I often purse carry, they know they aren’t to touch it (they are teens) but still. Thanks Candess.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks Candess! I’m so glad you found the discussion valuable!
Susan Mary Malone says
GREAT article, Kristen. And you hit the most important thing: Bring this out in the open. Talk about it. Have the conversation.
I grew up in a hunting family, and hunting culture. Guns were a part of our lives. I got my own first shotgun at 12 (we all did –it was a rite of passage in our home :). And gun safety was something we learned as we did the spoken language. That was the most important thing–to respect, understand, and know how to safely deal with a gun.
When kids came over–and they all did. We were the gathering place–the guns were locked up. Even though my parents were quite upfront about it, no one took any chances.
I think you said it all with: “from a mom who does carry, who does have guns in her home and who wouldn’t be offended if you asked about their gun safety practices or if you chose not to allow your kids to play at my home.”
Yep, the more you understand and don’t fear guns, the easier you are to talk with about them.
Great post!
Kristen Wilson says
Why thank you Susan.. cute, the rite of passage to get a shotgun.. crazy how people from different places grow up different.. and it isn’t right or wrong, just different. Thank you for your comments.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience, Susan.
Apolline Adiju says
Wow, thanks for the insights. I must confess that I have no clue about this since I live in a society where very few people own guns. The majority of those owning one, are for hunting purposes.
Kristen Wilson says
Thank you for reading and your perspective Apolline. I am in Texas and more shoot for hunting and etc… however, with the 2nd Amendment and how our world is going/been, it’s great to have our personal protection.
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thank you for reading, Apolline. I grew up in Kentucky where guns were in homes primarily for hunting as well. There are so many more types of guns available and kept in homes now. It’s a different world from how it was when I was a child. We didn’t think twice about it as a child because the guns stayed in the gun safe unless they were being used or cleaned.
Robin says
Great article, and love the perspective. As our kids age, our perspective on guns change, and we need to make our kids aware. I am an advocate of educating our kids, and teaching our kids to protect themselves.
Kristen Wilson says
That is awesome Robin and thank you for that. Truth… time changes (like age) and so must we!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thank you for reading, Robin. Things are very different from how they used to be!
Brenda Niemeyer says
Great post! We lived in the city for most of the time our kids were young and no one tended to keep guns around. Now we live in Montana and EVERYONE has a gun and many of the moms I know carry them in their purses. That is still a bit strange to me, but to each his/her own. With such a prevalence of guns for hunting and/or protection teaching our kids about guns has become a necessity. Love the encouragement to take it a step further and confirm how families our kids may spend time with store their guns, etc.
Kristen Wilson says
Agreed Brenda and thank you… we understand we don’t all have the same interests.. and as long as folks are being safe.. we should be fine… right!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks for reading Brenda. I have had the opposite experience. I moved from a small town in KY to Los Angeles. I grew up with guns just being around – most every one had them. I think where I live now I am a bit more away from the hunting community, so I think most people here who have guns for protection and sport rather than for hunting.
Alene A Geed says
Gun safety is critical in a home where children are present. I applaud your decision to sit down with them and let them understand, touch and feel the guns. This will make a significant step towards quelling their curiosity . Going one step further and questioning other parents (for potential play dates) about their safety and guns is vital as well. thanks for the post!
Jennifer Quisenberry says
Thanks for reading, Alene! Talking about it is so important. One can’t be too safe these days!
Kristen Wilson says
Thank you Alene… I couldn’t have guns in the home and NOT share with my children. I know I could take away all the curiosities in the world and it could still happen, them wanting to “play” but I am one step closer, with education,. That’s right and thank you
Indira Pierrot says
I’m not a gun fan but I do respect others who are into them. This is an important conversation to have for sure. I also didn’t know that shooting is a perishable skill.
Kristen Wilson says
Yes Indira… it certainly is… because if you take it seriously, it isn’t just about pointing and shooting. There are several very basic safety rules too… and one of them being – knowing your target and what’s beyond it. If you think about a home, it has walls and while an intruder may be in front of you, there may likely be rooms behind him/her… and thus our family… we have to consider that. Further, there is so much more to it than just pulling the trigger and while it is a means of defense, it isn’t meant to be the first one. I know you said that you aren’t a gun fan and I respect that.. but regardless, knowing that I hurt or killed someone will last with me forever.. so I want to be sure I take it very seriously.
Ryan says
Great article! And I agree if someone is around guns often then they should shoot regularly to keep up their skills since it is a perishable skill. It is important that you do what you can to protect yourself and your family .
Kristen Wilson says
Thanks Ryan… sounds like you get it too…. shooting IS a perishable skill for sure. I always tell the ladies that I work with (in our shooting group) that if they have guns in their home and especially if they carry that they must shoot regularly… because who wants to “practice” when there is an incident and the hormones and shock is in full force? We need to practice so it becomes second nature in the event that something does happen… so that we CAN protect ourselves and our families. Thanks for chiming in!
Sheldon McNeely says
Worst scenario is your son or daughter got killed because you are irresponsible gun owners. Best thing to practice is to keep your guns out of reach of your children. Educate them that gun is not good for kids and it is too dangerous for them to touch.
Kristen Wilson says
That is SO true Sheldon! Horrible feeling and I would never let myself live that down for sure… best thing… educate and store safely.. for sure! Thanks for stopping by!
Heather says
It’s good to see a carrying parent who takes gun safety so seriously! It’s definitely much better to expose the child to those weapons and pass on your knowledge as opposed to hiding them and hoping they won’t have to encounter them. Awesome post!
Kristen Wilson says
Not only that.. but we, as parents have to also consider which direction it’s safe to be defending ourselves.. ie – you shouldn’t be pointing at an intruder with your child’s room on the other side. I have considered where my safe spot is in my house and room that I would go to where I could shoot an intruder and the bullet travel won’t be accidentally going into my child’s room. It’s more to just having it on the night stand folks!